G.I. Joe PSAs Cobra style [Archive] - YoJoe.com Forums

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zark1976
03-16-2005, 11:59 AM
As I got older and more cynical, I thought it would be funny if they had done some alternate PSAs.

<Billy and Johnny are in a store. Billy grabs a candy bar and stuffs it into his pocket, then hands one to Johnny.>

Johnny: Here, let's steal this candy.
Billy: I don't know. I don't feel right about this.
Johnny: Don't be a wuss
Zartan: (OC) Yeah Billy, don't be a wuss.

<Camera pans to show Zartan holding a gun on the cashier.>

Johnny & Billy: ZARTAN!
Zartan: In fact kids, if you're going to steal, you should get yourself a gun and rob the place. It's much more lucrative than stealing candy.
Billy: Thanks Zartan.
Johnny: Now we know.
Zartan: And now, give me all of your money too. COBRA!

whitedalek
03-16-2005, 12:54 PM
ROFL!! That's a good one. They could have a tagline like "Knowing may be half the battle, but having a loaded gun and being ruthless is the total battle! COBRAAA!"

I could see a PSA with a CG telling you how to cheat on taxes and such. Oh man,the possibilities.

Richard J.
03-16-2005, 04:11 PM
LMAO!

Okay, that was too cool. Do another!


Richard J.

Viper Commander
03-16-2005, 05:01 PM
lol, I had an idea for a "Just say no" Cobra PSA with a Headhunter Stormtrooper, but I didnt wanna violate the boards drug policy, so Ill just keep it to myslef :p

zark1976
03-16-2005, 05:35 PM
<Steve is being threatened by a bully.>

Bully: Give me all of your lunch money or I'll beat you up!
Steve: Let me go, this isn't right!
Bully: Shut up I'm gonna pulp you.
Steve: I'm gonna tell.

<Wild Weasel walks up to the three.>

Wild Weasel: Hold it right there!
kids: Wild Weasel!
Steve: Now you're gonna get it.
Wild Weasel: Telling's for sissies. You want to make him stop, you hit him back. If he beats you, you deserve to lose your lunch money.

<Bully clocks Steve, knocking some teeth out, and grabs his lunch money.>
Steve: Now I know.
Wild Weasel: Shut up and get away from me wimp. COBRA!!


I've got a better idea for a destro one, I'll try to flesh it out fully before I type it up.

whitedalek
03-17-2005, 12:13 PM
Zark, than PSA ruled! Keep it up.

zark1976
03-17-2005, 12:27 PM
<Two teenagers, Jim and Sally are window shopping, suddenly Sally points to an expensive diamond bracelet.>

Sally: That's it Jim! That's what I want for my birthday.
Jim: I dunno Sally, that's awfully expensive. I don't know how I could ever get that for you.
Sally: I could distract them and you could steal it.
Jim: I dunno Sally, that seems wrong.

<Baroness pulls up on a ferret.>

Baroness: No dahling, the wrong thing would be to not give your love diamonds.
Kids: Baroness!
Baroness: If you really want to distract them, wear some leather dahling.

<The kids go walking into the store, Sally flashes the guys behind the counter, and Jim steals the bracelet. They run back outside and speak to Baroness.>

Baroness: Remember jim, give your woman what she wants even if you have to steal to get it.
Jim: Thanks Baroness.
Sally: Now we know.
Baroness: And get yourself some leather next time. COOOBRA!!!

Mr. Angry Beef
03-18-2005, 10:26 AM
My friends and I used to come up with Cobra PSAs and funny Masters of hte Universe PSAs.

I am writing a new "Sunbow" episode for fun and going to include a Cobra PSA with Zartan and Snakeyes so don't think I'm ripping you off when I post it in on the boards.

zark1976
03-18-2005, 10:43 AM
My friends and I used to come up with Cobra PSAs and funny Masters of hte Universe PSAs.

I am writing a new "Sunbow" episode for fun and going to include a Cobra PSA with Zartan and Snakeyes so don't think I'm ripping you off when I post it in on the boards.

that's cool man. I think it's good to post amusing stuff.

thorn
03-18-2005, 06:01 PM
this is pretty funny. Cobra could put out a child rearing book

zark1976
03-22-2005, 05:35 PM
<Davy and Tim are walking down a street. They see another kid, a real apple polisher, the kind of kid every parent would love to have.>

Davy: There's the teacher's pet. i hate that kid. Let's beat him up!
Tim: No, that's wrong. We should leave him alone, or be more like him.

<Monkeywrench comes rumbling up on a Dreadnok cycle>

Monkeywrench: Bloody 'ell!
Kids: Monkeywrench!
Monkeywrench: Kids, wot you need to do is administer a savage beeatin'. That'll teach that bugger to not suck up.

<Davy grabs a convenient hunk of wood and proceeds to beat the tar out of the clean-cut kid.>

Davy: That kid will never score better on tests than us again.
Monkeywrench: E'll bloody well never walk again neiver. Which makes you better than 'im.
Tim: Thanks Monkeywrench.
Davy: Now we know.
Monkeywrench: Knowing may be half the battle, but administering a savage unprovoked beating on an unsuspecting sap is bloody funny. COBRA!

Richard J.
03-23-2005, 01:30 AM
Monkeywrench: Knowing may be half the battle, but administering a savage unprovoked beating on an unsuspecting sap is bloody funny. COBRA!
No, these PSA's are bloody funny! Keep 'em coming.


Richard J.

blackdragon
03-23-2005, 01:38 AM
LMAO! Cobra Psa's. Can't believe i never thought of that.

zark1976
03-23-2005, 01:29 PM
<Todd and Steve are watching Todd's little brother with a handful of candy trying to stuff a chocolate bar in his mouth.>

Todd: Man this sucks. Mom and dad give my brother all of that candy and I didn't get any.
Steve: Maybe you should just take some of his.
Todd: I don't know if I could do that, he is my brother.

<Serpentor's air chariot comes out of nowhere he jumps off in front of the kids>

kids: SERPENTOR!!!
Serpentor: It is a sign of weakness to not snatch what you want from the hands of those who are weaker. Now get over there and steal his candy. THIS I COMMAND!!!

<Todd runs over and snatches all of his brother's candy, leaving him crying. He walks back over with the chocolate bar in his mouth.>

Todd: Wow this is just as good as I thought. Thanks Serpentor.
Serpentor: Give me all of the candy now worm! If you don't I shall destroy you! COBRA LA LA LA LA LA!

<Serpentor snatches Todd's candy and leaps back onto his air chariot and flies away.>

Steve: Serpentor's crazy.
Todd: Now we know.

whitedalek
03-23-2005, 02:05 PM
Awesome!! Keep them coming, Zark!

danyanda
03-23-2005, 05:31 PM
<Ron, Will, and Jack are sitting in class. Their teacher hands back a group project. The grade is an F>

Ron: Oh, no
Will: Man...
Jack: I should have spent more time finishing this.

<Cobra Commander smashes through the side of the school in a Hiss tank and jumps down to speak to the boys>

Boys: Cobra Commander!
Cobra Commander: You didn't fail because you needed to work harder. You failed because you're surrounded by MORONS!
Jack: What?
Cobra Commander: If you hadn't been saddled with these two incompetents you would have passed for sure. It's their fault.

<Cobra Commander hurls a desk at the blackboard>

Jack: Thanks Cobra Commander, now I know... Never to take the blame for these idiots screwing up again!

zark1976
03-23-2005, 05:46 PM
that's great dan, I was trying to work on one for CC, but I kept hitting roadblocks. Fool kept rhyming at me.

Richard J.
03-24-2005, 07:53 AM
Okay, I've been LMAO reading all these PSA's. Now I'm trying one of my own!

<Katie is walking by the park and sees Paul and some guys from her school playing soccer. She goes over to them.>

Katie: That looks like fun. Can I play?
Paul: No way! You're just a girl. You're too weak to play.

<Zanya rolls up in Thrasher's Thunder Machine.>

Katie: Zanya!
Zanya: Listen here kid. What you need to do is beat this punk senseless.
Katie: But. . . I'll get in trouble.
Zanya: Are you kidding? He'll be too embarrassed to do anything but bleed!

<Katie attacks Paul and breaks his nose, arm, and blackens both his eyes. The other boys run off. Paul lies on the ground moaning.>

Katie: Wow! That was fun.
Zanya: Beating people up is always fun! Don't forget to take his wallet.
Katie: Now I know.
Zanya: And knowing is half the battle. The other half is violence.


Any good? This thread rocks and I'd hate to think I hurt it.


Richard J.

whitedalek
03-24-2005, 01:32 PM
That's a good one, Richard! Keep 'em coming! :D

zark1976
03-24-2005, 01:45 PM
that's pretty good Richard. Feel free to post to the thread any others you come up with.


I've been thinking lately that it made no sense for the joes to pop up for no reason to tell kids to behave. I'm going to add one today that's not actually a Cobra one, but fits with the theme of PSA's gone wrong.

zark1976
03-24-2005, 02:10 PM
<Dave and Wll are walking through the woods, they see a mine shaft. There is a tree beside it with a warning sign nailed to it.>

Dave: Hey Will, there's a mine, let's explore it!
Will: I dunno. My mom told me not to explore mines.

<Snake Eyes comes rolling up on a Silver Mirage cycle. He holds his finger up to the kids in a Wait motion.>

Kids: Snake-Eyes!
Snake-Eyes: . . .

<Snake-Eyes points to the sign nailed to the tree. It says, "DANGER: Live explosives.">

Dave: Oh don't worry Mr. Snake-eyes, we'll be careful around the exploding tree.
Will: Thanks for pointing it out though.

<Snake Eyes shakes his head and points again. the two boys look at each other and shrug. Snakes begins gesticultaing wildly at the sign. Finally he puts his face in his hands. The kids trot over to the mine, walking really far around the tree, then into the mine. shortly an explosion rocks the mine, hurling the kids out. and they land in a heap in front of Snake.>

Davy: I guess Snakes was trying to tell us that the danger sign meant that the mine would explode. And that we shouldn't go in there.
Will: Yeah that you should pay attention to what signs mean instead of assume you know.
Davy: Yeah. Now we know.
Will: We know that if you're a secret ninja guy who doesn't talk, you should bring a pad of paper to write on to let people know what you're trying to say.
Davy: I know I need a doctor.
Will: And knowing is half the battle.
Snake-Eyes: . . .

Richard J.
03-27-2005, 02:04 AM
LOL! LMAO! Just plain hilarious! Incredibly funny! There are no words for how funny this one is!


Richard J.

viperlord
03-28-2005, 02:01 AM
<Billy & Sean are walking home from school. Up ahead they see Larry, a bully, beating up Josh, the nerdy kid from school.>

Billy: "Gee Sean, Larry is beating up Josh! Maybe we should help him out."
Sean: "Nah, it's none of our business. Besides what could WE do?

<Just then Storm Shadow swoops in on a CLAW, landing right behind Billy and Sean who whirl around in amazement.>

Billy & Sean: "STORM SHADOW!!!"
Storm Shadow: "How long you going to stand there and allow that bully to beat up your classmate? Have you no honor?"
Billy: "But Storm Shadow, he's bigger than us!"
Sean: "And we hardly even know Josh, he's a nerd. Nobody likes him."

<Storm Shadow, moving fast as lightning, unsheathes his sword and slashes the bully, who falls with a sickening thud. He then whirls around bringing his sword whithin inches of Billy & Seans terrified faces>

Storm Shadow: "Yes but he is a rich nerd. Ninja wisdom says that if you cannot rob a man, kill the man who robs him and collect protection money."
Billy & Sean: "N,n,now we know."
Storm Shadow: "And knowing is half the battle."
Josh: "Thanks Mr. Ninja sir, you saved me."
Storm Shadow: "You owe me your life. Pay me, or I will take it."
Josh: "Y,y,yes sir."
Storm Shadow: "COBRA!!!"

Richard J.
03-28-2005, 05:43 AM
<Todd is walking past the local bank. As he's passing by the front door, an old woman totters out and bumps into him. As the old woman walks off, Todd notices that she dropped a wad of cash!>

Todd: Wow. I guess I'd better go after her and give this back.

<Before he can walk off, Tomax and Xamot step out of the bank.>

Tomax: We couldn't help but notice. . .
Xamot: . . . your sudden windfall.

Todd: Uh, that lady dropped this. I was going to give it back. Please don't call the police on me misters!

Tomax: Now, now, my boy. We would never. . .
Xamot: . . . do anything so brash. Rather, we'd like to offer. . .
Tomax: . . . you a chance to invest. . .
Xamot: . . . in Extensive Enterprises. . .
Tomax and Xamot: . . . and in your own future!

Todd: But isn't that stealing?

Tomax: Think of it as. . .
Xamot: . . . creative wealth redistribution.
Tomax: Everyone does it.
Xamot: And it proves your superior intellect.

<Todd signs an investment deal with Extensive Enterprises. In no time, he's being fitted for a Crimson Guard uniform.>

Todd: Wow! Not only am I rich, I can buy and sell my friends like Pokemon cards!

Tomax: That's the benefits of. . .
Xamot: . . . good business sense!

Todd: Now I know!

Tomax: And knowing is. . .
Xamot: . . . half the batttle!
Tomax and Xamot: Now where's our ten percent?


Good, bad, or ugly?


Richard J.

zark1976
03-28-2005, 10:54 AM
Good, bad, or ugly?


Richard J.

Richard,

My only criticism is that you didn't have the twins laughing in unison like they always did in the cartoon. But that's my stupid opinion. The idea was brilliant and exectued in a very amusing fashion. I hadn't even thought of the twins. I haven't gotten my head around my idea for Destro, something isn't working. I have an idea for Torch too. I'll try to post that one today. Can someone do Firefly?

Viperlord,

That's a great Stormshadow. I didn't want to do one for him. You did a really good job of that one. keep it up.

whitedalek
03-28-2005, 11:54 AM
Ok, here's one:

Stan and Wendy are at their accountant's office preparing their income tax.

Accountant: "I'm sorry, but many of these deductible claims are invalid. You'll have to remove them and move into a higher tax bracket."
Stan: "But we've already paid our state income tax, our property tax, plus all our local municipal taxes!"
Wendy: "We both work long hours trying to better our lives. Why are we being punished for making money?"
Accountant: "I'm sorry, but that's the law."

Suddenly, the door to the office is smashed in. A Crimson Guard walks in flanked by several Cobra troopers. The Crimson Guard shoots the accountant and has the troopers remove the body. He then sits down in the accountant's chair.

Stan and Wendy: "Crimson Guard!!! What's going on?"
The Crimson Guard removes his helmet, puts a briefcase on the desk, and opens it.

Crimson Guard: "I'm here to help you. Here you are, two hard-working industrious people and how are you treated? Your government steals most of your hard-earned dollars and gives it to those who wouldn't know an honest day's work if it bit them on the nose. Beatnik poets get subsidies from the government to hang out in coffee shops and make poetry mocking your work ethic. Performance artists get money to stage psuedo-intellectual plays that have no relevance to your day-to-day existence. Liberal think-tanks get your tax dollars to attack the capitalistic system that provides you with a living. Is that fair?"
Stan and Wendy; "No!"
Wendy; "...but the laws..."
Crimson Guardsman: "Laws! Laws are made by those in power to keep people like you under their thumb! Are their laws fair? Do you have the power to change those laws?"
Stan and Wendy: "No."
Crimson Guardsman: "Exactly. Now, Cobra is here to help you and strike a blow against the imperialist oppressive government. I can rework your taxes so that you get to keep your hard-earned money and enjoy the fruits of your labor."
Stan and Wendy: "And now we know!"
Crimson Guardsman: "Now, I would also suggest diversifying your portfolio by buying stock in Extensive Enterprises..."

Let me know what you think.

zark1976
03-28-2005, 01:07 PM
Wow Dalek, you just made me realize how evil the crimson guards are. that was pretty cool.

zark1976
03-28-2005, 01:16 PM
<Dan and Chuckie are squatting over an ant hill, trying to burn them with a magnifying glass. Dan suddenly sits back.>

Dan: this is fun and all, but I can't help but feel that it's wrong.
Chuckie: Maybe if we used matches or a lighter or something.
Dan: My mom told me not to play with fire.

<Torch jumps over the fence on one of those Dreadnok trikes>

Torch: 'Old it right there mate!
kids: Torch!
Torch: Where would we be wiffout fire? We'd be eating raw meat, right?
Dan: You know, that's right.
Torch: And no one likes that. So fire is good, but if you really want to roast ants, get yourself an aerosol can, like hairspray, and make a flamethrower. That's bloody good fun.

<The kids are shown using a hairspray can to blowtorch the ant pile. Some weeds catch on fire and catch the house on fire.>

Chuckie: MY HOUSE!!!
Torch: Brilliant, now yer family can collect the insurance money. Fire is not only necessary for life, but fun and profitable as well.
Dan: Now we know.
Torch: and knowing is better than going to school.
Chuckie: (whimpering) my house.
Torch: COBRA!!!!!

whitedalek
03-28-2005, 05:39 PM
Wow Dalek, you just made me realize how evil the crimson guards are. that was pretty cool.

Thanks, Zark. I thought of that one as soon as you started the thread, but just got off my fat butt today and decided to type it up. Now I gotta get back to sorting my collection. I just pulled it out of storage and am now cataloging (spelling?) it. Luckily, most of my stuff is in sandwich bags, but I've got figs from 1982 till now to sort through before this weekend. Going to the Florida meet-and-greet and want to do some swaps! Man, my eyes are starting to bleed after looking at yojoe pictures all day! :p

gun metal
03-29-2005, 01:05 AM
LOL, this thread is great. If I saw more threads like this I'd post in these forums more often.

Anyways I can't resist. I came up w/ my own Cobra PSA.

Billy: Hey. Let's race down that hill!

Johhny: Good idea!

Greg: Last one there's a rotten egg.

*Billy, Johnny and Greg race their bicycles down a hill. Johnny hits a stone,(dramatic music) flips off and and breaks his wrist. Billy and Greg stop and help.*

Johhny: Owww..my arm...

Billy: Oh no are you OK Greg?

Thrasher (shows up in the Thunder Machine w/ cold slither playing in the background): Don't worry 'bout im'. He's got two arms don't he?

Billy and Greg: THRASHER!

Thrasher: The important thing is....who's gonna be the rotten egg?!

Greg: Hey your right...come on lets go!

(Thrasher, Billy and Greg race to the bottom of the hill)

Billy: Wow! Thanks Thrasher. Now we know.

Thrasher: Cheers! Now go back and tell Johnny he's the blumin' rotten egg.

Co'obra.

Richard J.
03-30-2005, 11:54 AM
The idea was brilliant and exectued in a very amusing fashion.
Thank you very much! I'm just glad I didn't screw it up. I would have had the twins laughing, but I couldn't quite figure out how to do it. Maybe next time?

Is it just me, or are ALL of these PSA's good? I keep reading, but I haven't seen a bad one yet!

Trying to think of something for Firefly. . .


Richard J.

zark1976
03-30-2005, 12:13 PM
I'm kinda surprised a moderator hasn't come around and spanked this thread.


<Adam and Troy are sitting all slumped over and bloody. A crowd of kids are walking away.>

Adam: I hate those kids. I wish there was something we could do.
Troy: I want to take them out one at a time.
Adam: That's not right.

<Destro steps out of the bathroom next to where the kids are.>

Kids: DESTRO!
Destro: Kids, don't you know that might makes right? Because there are more of them, they have the ight to pummel you. What you need are some weapons, something guaranteed to intimidate those bullies.
Adam: I don't know about . . .
Troy: Where can we get some?
Destro: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha

<The kids take weapons from Destro and charge after the bullies. They pistol whip a couple and administer some extremity shots. Troy holds his weapon to the leader's head and yells something that sounds like "Mao." The bullies cry, wet themselves and run away.>
Destro: See boys, now you're in control. You can intimidate them into becoming your underlings, or terrorize them for protection.
Troy: Now we know.
Destro: and while knowing may be half the battle, having appropriate weaponry is the key to victory. COBRA!!!!

whitedalek
03-30-2005, 12:55 PM
You rock, Zark! The Destro one almost made me pee my pants! Of course, you could then have Destro sell weapons to the bullies to escalate the situation.

zark1976
03-30-2005, 02:04 PM
You rock, Zark! The Destro one almost made me pee my pants! Of course, you could then have Destro sell weapons to the bullies to escalate the situation.

I totally thought of that, or him using the kids to sell his weapons for him. but I decided to just cut it short. I don't know why I had the kids go all Vietnam war on the bullies, but there you have it.

zark1976
03-30-2005, 02:23 PM
also I thought of Destro coming out of the bathroom and not knowing what is going on, he was actualyy just there to go pee.

CGC
03-30-2005, 03:12 PM
lol

That Destro PSA was great. :D

zark1976
03-30-2005, 05:04 PM
<Bunch of bullies are sitting around crying.>

Bully1: I can't believe those freaks pulled weapons on us.
Bully2: That one guy was just crazy.
Bully3: If we had guns, they'd be sorry.

<Destro steps out from behind block wall.>

Destro: How very true.
Bullies: DESTRO!
Destro: If you have more and better guns, any small armed force can be cowed into submission.
Bully1: Now they're gonna pay.

<Bullies purchase weapons from Destro and run back to the kids. Destro is laughing. Kids come over to Destro after getting hurt again.>
Adam: Those guys said that you sold them guns and that's what made them brave enough to attack us again.
Troy: Yeah, I thought you were here to help us.
Destro: BWA HA HA HA. When you're in the business of arms sales, it's always more profitable to sell to both sides and escalate the conflict. 2 small hand guns aren't enough to intimidate an armed mob.
Adam: Now we know.
Destro: And I have bigger weapons available for sale at reasonable prices. COBRA!!!!!!

Now I Know...
04-03-2005, 12:42 AM
<Johnny and Lisa are walking off the stage after losing the big Highschool debate.Clearly depressed.>

Johnny: Ah man that's the 10th debate we've lost in a row.
Lisa: Yeah if only we could make our opponents see our point of view.

<From out the side of the stage appears Dr.Mindbender>

Mindbender: Oh but you can my fine you friends.

Kids: Dr.Mindbender!

Mindbender: All you need to do is lure them to vone of Cobra's conviently hidden Brainwave scanners and soon your vill,vill be their vill.

Lisa: But can we avord ah...afford that?

Johnny: Yeah what do you get outta this?

Mindbender:Oh that's easy while we're programing them for you we'll slip in some programming for Cobra as vell.

Lisa: I can live with that.
Johnny: Me too.Thanks Dr.Mindbender no we know....

Dr.Mindbender: And now you owe Cobra.<smiles an evil smile>

GarrettCRW
04-03-2005, 12:50 AM
I'm kinda surprised a moderator hasn't come around and spanked this thread.

I don't see why, since everyone knows that the PSAs bordered on the cheesy.

Besides, the mighty Rod Hannah (webmaster of Zartan's Domain, one of the first really big G.I. Joe sites on the web) made some PSAs like these for Cold Slither Month some 5+ years ago (both the songs and the PSAs are still floating around on the major file-sharing services to this day). If not for GIJ (the best Joe diorama fic series *EVER*), it'd be the most depraved thing he ever did. ;)

whitedalek
04-04-2005, 11:39 AM
Oh, man. I thought of a Dr. Mindbender psa too! Here it is:

Anthony is carrying his science award trophy when he stopped by Bill and Dave, two of the school's most popular jocks.
Bill: "Hey nerd boy!"
Dave: "What do ya got there?"
Anthony: "It's my first place award for my science fair project."
Bill: "Science is for losers, geek-boy!"
Anthony: "But science can do many....."
Dave: "Can science save you from a pounding?"
The two jocks advance on Anthony, with their fists raised.

Suddenly, a van pulls up and Dr. Mindbender leaps out with a few Cobra Troopers. The Cobra Troopers grab Bill and Dave:
Anthony: "Dr. Mindbender!"
Dr. Mindbender: "Don't listen to those two muscle-heads, Anthony! Science is a wonderful thing. Here, let me show you."

Dr. Mindbender gestures at the Cobra Troopers, who then drag Bill and Dave into the van and strap them into a complex, scientific apparatus.
Anthony: "What's that?"
Dr. Mindender: "That, my dear boy, is the Brainwave Scanner! Here, take this control panel and turn the knob all the way to the right!"

Anthony grabs the control panel and turns the knob. The two jocks yell in pain, then fall silent. After a minute, the Brainwave Scanner stops and the Troopers release the two jocks.
Dr. Mindbender: "Now, they'll obey your every whim, Anthony!"
Anthony tells the two jocks: "Beat each other up!"
The two jocks begin to pound on each other.

Dr. Mindbender: "See, Anthony? Not only can science be fun, but it can also be profitable! You can order those two boys to do anything you want! You can develop new weapon systems, new strains of virulent biological weapons and sell them to the highest bidder! You can use science to gain power, money, and glory!"
Anthony: "Science rocks!"


COBRAAA!!!!

captainswift
04-04-2005, 06:52 PM
<Neil and Jack are talking to Steve at Jack's house>

Steve: Hey, guys. I'm taking bets on the game this weekend. 5 to one against our school.

Neil: Gee, I don't know. Gambling.

Jack: Yeah, and against our own school...

<Copperhead is suddenly standing in their window>

Copperhead: How many games has yall's school won?

Kids: Copperhead!!

Copperhead: After all, it ain't about school loyalty. It's all about the numbers.

Neil: Hey. Where did you go, anyway?

Copperhead: What?

Steve: Yeah, you were there with all the Joes that got zapped to that alternate universe. But you didn't go with them.

Jack: Right. But you weren't in the regular universe either, when the other Joes investigated. Were you trapped in limbo?

Neil: You never showed up again after that, either.

Copperhead: Lissen, we're talkin' 'bout gamblin'...

Steve: Come to think of it, you didn't do much before that either.

Jack: Of all the Cobras with names, you had to be the lamest.

Copperhead: I will kill you, you little brats.

Neil: Do you even have a gun? As far as I know, all you ever did was drive a boat and talk in an annoying fake Louisiana accent.

Steve: You are definitely the Grand Slam of the Cobra forces.

<Enter Firefly>

Firefly: I got another lesson for you punk kids.

Kids: Firefly!!!

Firefly: A good terrorist always has back-up.

<He tackles Copperhead, knocking him away as the house blows up>

Copperhead: Wow, Firefly. Now I know.

Firefly: And knowing is half the battle. You owe me money.

Copperhead: I'll have it Friday. I got a grand on those kids' school.

Now I Know...
04-04-2005, 10:55 PM
Phil and Nick are walking through the park when Nick carelessly tosses his soda can on the ground.

A whistle blows and a park ranger stands menacingly in front of Phil and Nick.

Ranger,"You kids know better than to litter."

Nick,"Oh Mr. Ranger were sorry we'll pick it up."

Nick and Phil both walk over to the can and Phil picks it up.

Ranger,"That's right kids just hold on to that trash till...."

A mass of goo hits the Ranger in the face,and his head starts melt his screams are muffled by the sound of sizzling.

Out from behind a tree steps Cesspool holding a high grade toxic sludge weapon.

Phil screams in horror and runs away,while the Range has melted to his waist.

Cesspool clamps his hand on Nick's shoulder,"Good job son,pollution of all kinds keep big business going.You want a job son?"

Nick,"I....I....I.....I..."

Cesspool,"I could always sludge you."
As the Ranger is now a melted pile of goo.

Nick,"When do I start?"

Cesspool,"You already did when you dropped the can."

Cesspool smiles.

zark1976
04-09-2005, 07:22 PM
That's funny. I still have part of a co-op story that Rod and I were working on that long ago. What's Rod doing these days?




I don't see why, since everyone knows that the PSAs bordered on the cheesy.

Besides, the mighty Rod Hannah (webmaster of Zartan's Domain, one of the first really big G.I. Joe sites on the web) made some PSAs like these for Cold Slither Month some 5+ years ago (both the songs and the PSAs are still floating around on the major file-sharing services to this day). If not for GIJ (the best Joe diorama fic series *EVER*), it'd be the most depraved thing he ever did. ;)

zark1976
04-09-2005, 07:24 PM
wow guys you've been doing some great work. I've been out of things with pneumonia the past week so no updates from me. I'll try to make up a doozy next week.

Don't be surprised if it involves a cobra that everyone and I mean EVERYONE loves to hate.

Now I Know...
04-11-2005, 01:34 AM
Lindsey is being tawnted by some of the more popular girls in her school.They're making fun of her multicolored hair and punk style clothing.

Tanya,"Haha look at Linsey did your head fall in the a vat of dye?"
Mindy,"Yeah,and those cloths,are you like poor?"

All the popular girls laugh,and Lindsey hangs her head ashamed.

Zarana,and Road Pig walk up.

Zarana pushes Tanya to the ground and stands on her throat,while Road Pig's crossbow bolt sends Mindy flying clear across the schoolyard.

Zarana,"Eh der miss priss wot yah got against individualism,yah bommy cow?"

Lindsey,"Zarana!"

Road Pig,"And verily doth not forget her beloved Donald.........and rrrrrrrrroad p.p.p.p.ig!"

Zarana,"Uhg yah im too.Right anyway you gonna listen to dis cheer 'eader trash?"

Zarana reaches down and grabs Tanya by the hair and pulls her up by it.She slaps her in the face three times and tosses her to Road Pig.

He proceeds to turn his back to the camera,and both of his fists pump up and down one after the other pounding on a hidden Tanya.

Zarana slaps a hand on Lindsey's shoulder and they begin to walk away.

Zarana,"So wot 'ave you learned 'ere?"

Lindsey,"Have a big stupid man around to to pound others into the ground?"

Zarana,"Right as rain.Oh dat an 'ave a loaded tranquilizer gun to keep da big lug in line."

She pulls a gun and shoots a dart into Road Pig.

He stops in mid pummle and falls foward onto Tanya.

Lindsey,"Thanks Zarana I'll ask Johnny the center for the footbal team out tonight he's big,stupid and easy to control."

Zarana laughs in approval.

whitedalek
04-11-2005, 11:38 AM
Good one, Now I Know! Good use of Zarana and Road Pig.

zark1976
04-13-2005, 10:53 AM
<Darryl and Jeremy are walking home from school. They see a little nerdy kid ride past and go into his house, leaving his bike outside.>

Darryl: I hate that kid. I want to do something to him.
Jeremy: Like what?
Darryl: Like steal his bike, or slash the tires, or beat him up or something.
Jeremy: I don't know . . .

<Golobulus hovers overhead.>

Golobulus: That's not going far enough!
kids: Who are you?
Golobulus: I am Golobulus, ruler of Cobra la.
Jeremy: Cobra wha?
Golobulus: Shut it worm! What you need to do is create spores that will turn the child and all of his monkey descended family members into hideous beasts and then you can rule the world from your hidden city in the himalayas.
Darryl: What are you? You look like some kind of bizarre freak of nature, with a bulbous floating body, and some weird kind of crab eye.
Jeremy: Actually the green arm is kind of creepy.
Golobulus: You children shall be destroyed! LA LA LA LA LA

Now I Know...
04-14-2005, 12:09 AM
Haha shut it worm.

Oh that's good.

whitedalek
04-14-2005, 12:06 PM
Oh my goodness!! Golobulous!!! The horror.....the horror.....
:p

zark1976
04-14-2005, 12:20 PM
Oh my goodness!! Golobulous!!! The horror.....the horror.....
:p

You think that's bad, I've thought of, and set aside Nemesis Enforcer, Royal guards and Crystal Ball. I will probably actually type up Crystal Ball today.

Now I Know...
04-15-2005, 01:49 PM
Jimmy and Paul are sitting outside the highschool the rival footbal team the Falcons have won the big game and are partying it up,while filling onto their bus.

Jimmy,"This stinks,the Falcons cheated the whole game."

Paul,"Yeah somebody should do something about it."

Jimmy,"Like what?"

Paul,"*sigh* I wish I knew."

A mysterious figure emerges from the shadows,"I think I know."

Paul,"ROBERT SKELTON!"

Jimmy,"The S.A.W. Viper!"

Skelton,"Yeah stand back."

Skelton lets lose a barrage of fire on the Falcons and their bus.The caranage seems to last forever but ends in seconds with the bus exploding.

Skelton,"Whoooa that was fun,huh guys."

Jimmy,and Paul have wet themselves.

Skelton,"Oh come on what a bunch of pansies."

Skelton blasts Jimmy and Paul.

He looks at his watch,"Well as fun as this was,I've got some boy band to,'Take care of',hehe."

zark1976
04-15-2005, 04:17 PM
<Joe and Dale are sitting in front of a house.>

Joe: I wish i could get my parents to buy that new video game for me.
Dale: Did you try asking?
Joe: Yeah I tried asking, whining, crying. none of that stuff worked.

<Crystal Ball falls out of a tree.>

Crystal Ball: You didn't go far enough to convince them.
Joe: What the?
Dale: Crystal Ball?
CrystalBall: That's right kids. What you need to do is hypnotize them and you can get your parents to do anything, like buy you video games or cluck like chickens.
Joe: cluck like chickens?
Dale: Dude, you're lame.

<CB waves his shield around making wooooo noises and trying to hypnotize the kids.>

Dale: Maybe we should kick him in the crotch and steal that shield of his.
Joe: Yeah we could sell it and maybe buy that video game I wanted.
Crystal Ball: No, that's not the lesson!
Joe: We're not listening to you just because you hang with some total badasses.
Dale: Yeah hanging with cool guys doesn't automatically make you cool.
Crystal Ball: Now I know.
Joe: Ah, Shut up you pansy.

Now I Know...
04-15-2005, 07:14 PM
Oh god that was so funny it hurt! Crystal Ball falls outta the tree! HAHAHAHA!

zark1976
04-21-2005, 12:09 PM
(Jimmy and Joe are watching lisa play with some other girls.)

Jimmy: I wish Lisa would be my girlfriend.
Joe: You should go over and talk to her.

(Major Bludd lands a FANG next to the boys. He jumps out and starts talking to them.)

Bludd: You should write her a poem.
Boys: Major BLUDD!!!!
Bludd: Women really like it when you write them poems. Try this one
Bombs bursting
Blood Caking
Without you
My heart's aching.
Jimmy: I dunno, girls don't go in for blood caking.
Bludd: try it lad, y'never know.

(Jimmy goes over and talks to Lisa. She slaps him and kicks him. He hobbles back over to Bludd and Joe.)

Jimmy: It didn't work. Just like I said.
Bludd: Ye're lucky. That poem once cost me an eye.
Joe: You're a horrible poet. Women don't like blood caking.
Jimmy: Now we know.
Bludd: And ye learn lessons better with pain. COBRA!!

whitedalek
04-21-2005, 01:06 PM
Good one, Zark. I was working on one with Major Bludd in a coffehouse, but I'll scrap that one now. Grrr :p

zark1976
04-21-2005, 01:51 PM
Nah go ahead and post yours dalek. Don't be like that. :p

on a side note, I was remembering when I watched Valor vs. Venom. Did anyone else think that Slice and Slash were more than friends? I was just thinking that they could be part of "a very special" Cobra PSA.

whitedalek
04-21-2005, 02:52 PM
Nah go ahead and post yours dalek. Don't be like that. :p

on a side note, I was remembering when I watched Valor vs. Venom. Did anyone else think that Slice and Slash were more than friends? I was just thinking that they could be part of "a very special" Cobra PSA.

It could have been construed that way. :p However, I think that they were both just goofballs, myself. They were the highlight of the Valor vs Venom movie. I couldn't stop laughing!

whitedalek
04-21-2005, 03:03 PM
Here it is:

Rob and Dave are sitting in a artsy coffeehouse listening to a poetry slam.
Rob: "Man, I dig the free verse that's flowing tonight!"
Dave: "Right on!"
The man at the microphone finishes his poem and walks off the stage, while patrons snap their fingers in appreciation.
Rob: "I hope the next dude is as good as the last one."
Dave: "Right on, man."

A figure walks up to the microphone and turns to face the audience. The audience oohs as they see the poet is sporting an eyepatch.
Rob: "Cool eyepatch! Very bohemian!"
Dave: "Right on."

The figure introduces himself. "I am Sebastian Bludd and here is my work."
"Muzzle flashes at night
brings foes to fright
Cut them down as they cower
Revel in your new-found power!"

The audience is silent.
Rob: "That's not righteous, man! Very negative!"
Dave: "Right on, man!"

Major Bludd: "Bloody bourgeouis critics!"
Major Bludd pulls an uzi out of his coat and sprays the audience.

Major Bludd:
"If you don't like my poetry
You better quickly run
Your bohemian attitude
is no match for my gun!"

zark1976
04-21-2005, 03:11 PM
Oh man, 2 verses in the same one. That's great!



Major Bludd:
"If you don't like my poetry
You better quickly run
Your bohemian attitude
is no match for my gun!"

Xerofall
05-02-2005, 01:34 AM
<Johnny walks away from his former workplace with a sad look on his face and meets up with Sally.>

Sally: "Hey Johnny, what's wrong?"
Johnny: "I just got fired. Maybe i shoulda worked harder, been more responsible."

<Firefly drops down from the adjacent building.>

Kids: "Firefly!"

Firefly: "What kind of attitude is that? They caused you to lose your job, now make them pay."

Johnny: "But how?"

Firefly: "If you mix equal parts gasolene and orange juice you can make napalm. Mix it in a glass jar with a cloth hanging out of the top. Later tonight come back, light the cloth on fire and toss it through a wondow... show these fools that they're the ones who are FIRED!"

Sally: "That's what I would do Johnny, I'm no punk."

Johnny: "I was just going to file for unemployment, but that idea ROCKS, thanks Firefly."

Firefly: "You kids didn't see my face did you?"

roboticplanet
05-02-2005, 09:50 PM
Has anyone else seen the PSA parodies that fenslerfilm.com made????

If you haven't, let me tell you what you're missing. They chopped up the original PSAs and then revoiced them into some bizarre situations, like Roadblock asking some confused kids "Who wants a body massage?" or Mutt telling some scared kid "Hey kid, I'm a computer...help computer"

Some of them are hilarious, while others are just straight up weird.

You can download them here: at this site: http://ebaumsworld.com/gijoe.html

Now I Know...
05-24-2005, 01:23 AM
Johnny walks outta his K Mart job he's pretty depressed.He stands near a wall and says to no one in particular,"Passed up for promotion again.It's not fair,I'm a better worker than anyone in that building."

From thin air a voice comes,"You are better than them Johnny."

Johnny,"Wha who said that?"

The wall behind Johnny starts to shimmer,and a man appears,"I did."

"Zartan!"

"That's right Johnny,and I know just how to get even with those backstabing co-workers.You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"Oh yeah! What do I need to do?"

"Nothing." Zartan pulls out a communicator and presses a button."Zartan to Zarana the mission is a go."

Zartan changes into Johnny,and hits Johnny in the head,knocking him silly.

The Thunder Machine rolls up loaded with Dreadnoks,followed by the Dreadnok Trike,Zanzabar's Skiff,and Torch,Ripper,Buzzer,and Road Pig on motorcycles.Zartan/Johnny jumps on board,and the Thunder Machine smashs through the front of Kmart,followed by the remaining Dreadnoks vehicles.

Screams and explosions can be heard from inside the store,as shoppers and employees run in terror.

Johnny wakes up to find himself in handcuffs,and police standing over him.The store is on fire.

"Wha what's happening?" Johnny screams.A cop slams him onto the hood of the car.

Cop,"Your under arrest for leading a gang of bikers on a rampage throughout the store you sick-o!"

Johnny,"No,NO,IT WAS ZARTAN! HE WAS HERE HE DID THIS ALL!"

Johnny's co-worker Linda screams,"YOU MONSTER!" and rush towards Johnny,cops restrain here.

The cops throw Johnny in the back of the squad car,as he continues to protest his innocense.

From across the parking lot stands 2 men one dressed in a business suit,one in a track suit and a woman wearing a local highschool jacket.

The woman whispers to the man,"Gor eh Zartan dat was a bloody cold bit you 'ashed up on dat bloke."

"Yes Zarana but honestly who cares as long as the police have someone other than us to prosecute."

The man in the track suit sighs,"Johnny's getting more attention than me."

Zartan looks at him,"Do we know you?"

Zandar looks stunned,"I'm your brother!"

Zartan,"Nope sorry."

Zarana,"Gat lost yah tosser!"

Zandar,"Sigh."

The cop car drives by with Johnny in the backseat with his face pressed against the window.

NightViperOne
05-24-2005, 09:45 PM
ROFLMAO!!! Okay, okay, now that I got myself together. Had to go relieve myself 3 times while reading these. But I was thinking, I know this is about the Cobra's and poking fun at what the Joes used to do... but why should Cobra have all the fun? I mean, there are some real [email protected]$$es in the Joe team, too. For example...

Tom, Rick and Jay are climbing the net at a high-school track meet. Jay gets his foot caught in the ropes, and falls, his ankel snapping as he hangs at an odd angle, screaming out in pain.

Tom: Hey, Jay's in tyrouble!

Rick: Yeah, there goes the competition!

Tom: Shouldn't we stop to help him?

The two boys reach the top of the wall, and look back down, then Rick grabs the rope on the other side.

Rick: You gonna quit?

Tom: We really should help...

Suddenly, a fiugure swings over on a rope, and kicks Tom in the back of his knees, dropping him onto them.

Tom and Rick: Beach Head!!

Beach Head: What's wrong with you, Thomas? This is a race, son. Jay fell behind, you had a chance to win!

He kicks Tom in the chest, knocking him off of the wall.

Beach Head: It's survival of the fittest, boy!! Now quit squirmin' and GIVE ME FIFTY!!

Rick: Thanks, Beach Head... now I kno...

Beach Head: What are you still doin' here, maggot!? Go win this race before I put the pain on you, too!! MOVE, MOVE MOVE!!

NightViperOne
05-24-2005, 09:48 PM
They chopped up the original PSAs and then revoiced them into some bizarre situations, like Roadblock asking some confused kids "Who wants a body massage?" or Mutt telling some scared kid "Hey kid, I'm a computer...help computer"

Or Blowtorch running through the burning house yelling, "Mmmm, Prok Chop sandwiches!" Then cussing the kids out for not running away. LMAO!! I just saw these a couple of weeks ago, and they are classic. You guys really oughta see these!

-Jim

CGC
05-25-2005, 12:52 AM
Now I Know...
ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, that was good!, I don't expect to see it as a new PSA if the S6 cartoon goes that route, but it was funny!

NightViperOne
05-25-2005, 06:46 AM
Okay, here's another example:

Jerry and Ryan see a flooded area under a bridge. The current looks pretty strong, but it also looks shallow.

Jerry: Hey, let's go play in the water.

Ryan: I dunno, man. That current looks pretty strong.

Jerry: Awe, c'mon, man. It'll be great.

Just as Jerry starts towards the water, a dark figure drops in front of them.

Jerry and Ryan: SNAKE EYES!!

Snake Eyes begins gesticulating, tryiong to get the point across that this is a bad idea. Jerry and Ryan turn to each other and shrug.
Jerry: What's he saying?

Ryan: I dunno. But he did point at the water a couple of times. I guess he said it was cool.

The two start towards the water, again, and are stopped again. Snake Eyes goes through the motions again, this time more forcefully. The guys scratch their heads, and try to head to the water again. Snake Eyes steps in their way, right at the water's edge, and they stop, as he begins gesticulating wildly, seeing this as the last chance to warn them before they hit the water.

Jerry: Man, we can't understand you!

Ryan: Yeah, are you even saying anything? Open up your mouth and talk
ya' freak!!

Snake Eyes throws up his hands in surrender, then slaps both boys on the side of the head. Over the next few seconds, he mopves through a blindingly fast series of blows to each boy, beating them near senseless. At the e3nd, he finishes up with a pair of moves that throws the boys into the water. They both begin foundering in the deep water and rough current immediately.

Ryan: I think he was trying to tell us this was a bad idea!

Jerry: I just remembered: I CAN'T SWIM!!

Ryan: ME EITHER!!

Ryan and Jerry: Now we Know!! HEEEEELP!!

Snake Eyes flashes them the finger, and walks away.

Ryan and Jerry: Now we Know!! HEEEEEL - glug glug glug

Mr. Crimson
06-12-2005, 02:57 AM
more, more, more, I need more.

Now I Know...
06-14-2005, 12:11 AM
Donny is walking down the street with his buddy Phil.

Donny,"Phil I just don't get it what does Kathleen see in Brian?"

Phil,"Well he is the quarterback of the football team."

Donny,"You think I could win her back?!"

Phil,"Ohhhh I don't thin..."

Trash cans clatter as Raptor emerges from behind them knocking several over.
He clumisly uprights them,knocking off metal lids and over other cans in the process,this goes on for several minutes until he finally gives up.

Raptor,"Uh hey boys,uhm men look I was over there just.."

Phil,"Yeah what the he11 were you doing in the trash?"

Raptor,"Well see I was...well it's not important,the point is I can help with einning back Bridget."

Donny,"It's Kathleen,and I really doubt you can help anybody win any girl."

Raptor,"N..n..no really we start by having my special trained hawks swoop down on this guy.."

Donny,"Oh the he11 with this."
Donny kicks Raptor in the crotch.
He falls to his knees,and Phil and Donny proceed to beat the snot outta Raptor.

After several minutes the boys tire of beating on Raptor.
Their laughing wildly.
Donny,"You know Phil I know I can't win her back,but DAMN that felt good!"
He kicks Raptor in the ribs three more times.

Both laugh and walk away.

Raptor bleeds and moans.